“Few people are alone with their experience. Most people are afraid to be. The irony is that those who are alone do not feel that they are alone. And those who are not alone feel lonely. The lonely seek companionship, yet companionship is not possible, for they have not yet discovered who they are.
The self is a wilderness. Leave it unexplored and cities are built over it. Explore it courageously and intimacy becomes possible.
True equality requires individuation. Until you know the contours of your own heart you cannot learn those of another. If you leave home before you are ready, you look for home without finding it. You find mother instead of wife, father instead of husband.
When you have found your home, you take it with you wherever you go. Find your home first, and then seek companionship. Find out who you are, not according to someone else’s definition, but according to your own. Play with that definition before you accept it. Let all of yourself become present. See all the forms, all the possibilities.
Know thyself. Do not become lost in the world before you know who you are, or your chances of waking up are not very strong. The world will be only too happy to give you a role and a responsibility. Other people will be only too happy to assign you a role in their play.
Let’s face it, some roles are seductive. They promise a lot. It’s hard to say no. “Leave your lonely wilderness and come and live with me. I will love you and take care of you.” These are the words that the homeless child has been waiting to hear. At last direction will come. The missing parent has materialized. All will be well. Or will it? Hardly. Rather, this is how the self is betrayed. This is how the wilderness is paved with asphalt, stifling its grasses and trees, invading its sky. Call it domestication, technology, progress. It is anything but that.
The homeless person is always ruthless in making his home. He is without compassion for his environment or for the well-being of others. He simply externalizes his anger and his pain.
Try to live with someone before you have learned to live with yourself and you will make a mockery of the relationship. It won’t work.
Find home inside your heart first. Only one who knows and accepts himself can find equality with another. Anyone else gives himself away.
It is never the other person’s fault when the relationship doesn’t work. All relationship endings can be attributed to a single cause: lack of fidelity to self. If you were not faithful to yourself when you entered the relationship, how is it possible that you would be faithful to yourself while you were in it? It cannot be the other person’s fault. You went together with him or her because you were lonely and tired of seeking. You took a detour, a delaying maneuver. You went from sleeping alone to sleeping with another. But the real challenge for you wasn’t to sleep, but to wake up.
Unless you commit to your own awakening, others can offer you only detours, side-trips, running in place. Time goes by, but nothing changes. The pain doesn’t lift. The old dissatisfaction is still there. The sheets have been changed, but the bed still sags. The problems is not a cosmetic one. The problem is in the foundation itself. That is what must be addressed.
Your dissatisfaction says one thing only: you are not honoring yourself. If you were honoring yourself, there would be energy and commitment to a vision in your life. You would not be bored. You would not be lonely. You would not be anxious to trade your dream for someone else’s.
You are the one who opts for the detour. Don’t blame the companion who accompanies you. It was your choice. But don’t beat yourself up over it. Make a different choice.
Make the courageous choice to be alone. Being alone means to be yourself fully. It means to be fully individuated, yet connected to the whole. It means to be “all one”.
When you fully inhabit your life, you will be drawn to others who are doing the same thing. Then you will not have to give up your life for another. That is the beginning of a more beautiful and challenging dance. But it is a dance that cannot happen unless you are already dancing in your own truth.”