“Marriage begins first in the heart of both partners. In all loving relationships, one wishes the best for the other person. One is willing even to give the partner up if she or he could thereby find a greater happiness. Contrary to popular belief, marriage is not a tie that binds, but one that releases.
One wants the greatest happiness for the partner in the same way that one wants the greatest happiness for oneself. One loves the partner as one loves oneself, with equal love. Marriage extends to the partner the same caring, loving intention with which one embraces oneself. It is not a new gesture, but an extension of a familiar one.
Marriage is not a promise to be together throughout all eternity, for no one can promise that. Marriage is a promise to be present “now”. It is a vow that must be renewed in each moment if it is to have meaning. In truth, you can be married in one moment and not in the next. Marriage is a process, a journey of becoming fully present to oneself and to the other.
All couples would do well to remember frequently what their commitment is. To lose sight of the commitment is to desecrate the marriage. Adulterous affairs are just the unfortunate outcome of a lack of intimacy between partners. They are not the problem, but the symptom of the problem.
When you are truly committed to your partner, it is impossible to betray him or her. For to betray the partner is betraying the self. You just cannot do it. You may experience an attraction to another person, but you do not have a desire to be with that other person. You do not fantasize about what it would be like to take that person to bed.
When you are married, the urge to sexual union is an important part of the sacrament. Marriage is meant to be a full-chakra embrace. Sexual passion is part of a greater attraction to be with the person. Whenever it splits off, sex becomes an attack.
Many people engage in non-devotional sex. Do not engage in sexual behavior when your heart is not open to your partner. Sex without love, under any guise, fragments the energy of union and exacerbates your emotional wounds. This is the beginning of a process of fragmentation that often culminates in infidelity. However, this could not happen unless one first desecrated the relationship with the partner by engaging in non-loving, non-surrendered sex.
When love is mutual and the partners are surrendered to one another emotionally, sexuality is completely uplifting and sacred. Nothing outside could threaten the relationship. However, when communication in the relationship becomes careless and shoddy, when time is not taken for one-to-one intimacy, the relationship becomes a shell in which one hides. Energy and commitment disappear from the relationship. And sex becomes an act of physical betrayal. Communication can be restored if there is mutual willingness and trust. For the goal of full-chakra union is realized entirely through love, energy and attention.”