My mind is my shelter


Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness. How to Develop Healthy Boundaries.

Live from the heart

“We can think of a boundary as a line that uniquely defines and separates your personal happiness, integrity, desires and needs, and therefore most importantly your personal truth from the rest of the universe. He who does not listen to and respect what they themselves feel violates his own boundaries. He who does not listen to and respect what others feel violates other people’s boundaries.”

Practice feeling how things feel. Listen to how you feel, listen to your feelings and your emotions, because your feelings and your emotions are the indication of what your boundaries are. It is very important that you start to listen to and heed those emotions if you want to live a life that’s worth living, enjoy your experience and stay in alignment with your personal truth. Your boundaries are your personal truth

“It is hard for people to set boundaries because:
1. we put other people’s needs and feelings first.
2. we don’t know ourselves
3. we don’t feel that we have rights
4. we believe that setting boundaries jeopardizes the relationship
5. we never learn to have healthy boundaries”

“When we were young, most of us were told that what we felt was either not how we felt or it was not ok to feel. We were told that what we saw we did not see. Most of us were told that what we thought we wanted was not really what we wanted or that it’s not ok to want what we wanted. We lived lives when our own personal truth was invalidated again and again and again. This made most of us feel crazy and as if we cannot trust ourselves, so we began to go against the way we felt and the things we wanted, and in doing so we did not stay true to ourselves. This internal self-betrayal is what caused us to stop trusting ourselves. Self-trust is all about boundaries. If you don’t trust yourself you don’t have healthy boundaries. It means that you are in a habitual pattern of abandoning your personal truth and the way you feel. This internal self-betrayal makes you feel unsafe with you. We feel unsafe with ourselves when we watch ourselves make decisions that don’t feel good or act in a way that doesn’t represent our true self. When we ignore the way we really feel and we abandon our personal truth we become untrustworthy to our selves. The only way to begin trusting yourself is to begin tuning back into how you feel and to honor how you truly feel. Maintaining a false self by denying who we truly are, what we truly want and how we truly feel is a barrier to intimacy.”

“We want someone in our life who understands how we feel. But we don’t even understand how we feel. We wind up having a relationship of convenience with ourselves, we only listen to our own personal truth when it doesn’t cause trouble or difficulty. We don’t realize that we are the one causing the very difficulty that we are trying to avoid by not listening to our feelings and our personal truth all the time, regardless of whether it causes difficulty or not.”

“How does the idea of boundaries fit into the idea that we live in a universe which is all One? It seems like a contradiction, but it’s not. If I am embracing who I truly am (what I truly want, what I truly need, what I truly feel) I am embracing the unique expression of Source Energy that I truly am. I am actually more in alignment with the Universe as One than if I am losing my boundaries – because then I am denying the true expression of myself as an extension of Source.

It was always the plan for you to experience a separate self, because this perspective serves the expansion of the Universe’s own process of self-awareness. So we all experience a sense of Self and Other – which creates a good deal of unhappiness until we allow ourselves to go in the direction of individual happiness, which ultimately leads to the discovery that we are all one and that whatever serves our individual happiness serves all else that is.”

A boundary is not about resisting what you do not want – this is why most people see boundaries as unhealthy, because we associate boundaries with resistance. If you are in resistance to something that is unwanted then you are not in alignment – and that is not a healthy boundary, it is an unhealthy boundary. So the people who walk this world having resistance to people violating them in any way are not a measure of health, are a measure of unhealth. Those people are focused on the unwanted, pushing against the unwanted, their boundaries are erected to keep out what is unwanted, their boundaries don’t exist to keep them happy, they only think they do.”

“It is as unhealthy to have resistance towards violation that could be imposed on you by the world as it is to have no boundary and to let the world constantly trespass on your reality. People who are building walls against intimacy are not exhibiting healthy boundaries, they are in resistance to the world. An unhealthy boundary pushes against the world, tells people  how they can and can’t behave, but we have no control over how they behave and what they do, we only have control over what we do and how we behave.”

Healthy boundaries – unlike most of those we are used to, such as fences or rules – are non-resistant to nature and thus are in alignment with Oneness. Healthy boundaries are not about controlling what other people can and cannot do to you, it is entirely about you personally defining and then following your individual sense of happiness and desires and personal truth. It is a state of self-awareness, integrity and self-love. You can’t have any of those things if you are pushing against the world and you can’t have them if you are letting the world define who you are, what you want and how you feel. Having a healthy sense of self serves not only you, but also the Universe, and ultimately your happiness is everyone else’ happiness as well, because we are all One.”

“Write down 10 things that you are most unhappy about in your current reality. Maybe they are things that people are doing to you that you don’t like, maybe it’s just a situation that you are not enjoying. Then, relative to this list , ask yourself: are there any boundaries that I am crossing in this experience, which is giving rise to this negative emotion that I have? How do I really feel about these experiences, about these items that I have written down on this list? (…) Then you need to take an action step, and decide what it’s gonna take to pull yourself back in alignment with your personal truth and to honor how you feel now.”

“It’s crucial to make changes based on how you really feel, to decide specific actions you can take. Self-expression is paramount in this circumstance”

As times goes on your boundaries will be reassessed. Boundaries aren’t meant to be static, they are meant to be constantly evolving. Allow the change to happen. But it’s very important that your boundaries change according to your feelings, not according to how other people think you should feel or change.

“If we want to live happy lives and make the right choices for ourselves personally, we need to know how we feel, admit to how we feel and express how we feel. Developing boundaries is a crucial part of finding our true selves. It is, therefore, a crucial part of spiritual practice and life success. We do not need to resist the other, to do it. Instead, we need to fully allow ourselves and to express the truth of ourselves at all times. Your boundaries are reflected by virtue of how you feel. Your boundaries are no different than how you feel.”

“My number one suggestion to living a life that you enjoy living is to follow happiness, which is the same as following how you feel. You can’t deny who you truly are, you can’t deny what you truly want, you can’t deny your feelings without also experiencing a decrease of your level of happiness. The more in alignment you are with your personal truth and the more you honor your feelings the happier you will be.

Teal Swan – On (healthy) boundaries



This entry was posted on 26/07/2016 by in Inspiring views, Spirituality, Various.
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