“Most external changes follow internal shifts of allegiance and attention. When one ceases to be committed to a relationship or course of action, a shift takes place. Energy is withdrawn from one direction and placed in a new direction.
You can argue until you are blue in the face about whether it is right or wrong that someone’s commitment changes, but it won’t do you any good. You cannot prevent other people from going forward in their growth, even if you don’t agree with their decisions.
Don’t play the role of martyr. If you look deeply enough, you will see that every apparent “loss” you experience brings an unexpected gain. When one person leaves a relationship that is not growing into deeper intimacy, the other person is set free to go. But they must be willing to let go and appreciate the gift of freedom which has been offered.
Wanting someone who does not want you is a way of punishing yourself. After a while, you will get tired of your masochism and realize that you have other choices about where to put your energy.
When you cease to be committed to your career, it falls apart. When you stop being committed to your relationship, it begins to crumble. It is no longer as nurturing, as supportive, as fun as it used to be. You can blame this change on your partner or your boss, but you will be missing the whole point. The relationship or the career no longer works because you are no longer giving it your love, your support, your commitment.
Neither holding onto the person nor blaming them will help you get on with your life. If you don’t want to love your life in the shadow of a ruptured union, where negative emotion are constantly recycled, you must learn to go.
Perhaps the greatest gift that you can ever give to yourself is to set someone or something your love free. Staying in a relationship which does not have the full commitment of both people is not constructive for either person. Either mutual commitment must be re-established or the process of letting go must begin in earnest.
When something in your life is not working, you often try to first fix it. Then, if that doesn’t work you may pretend for a while that it’s fixed, even though you know it isn’t. Finally, you realize that your playacting isn’t fooling anyone and that your heart just isn’t in it. That’s when you are ready to let go.
As long as you hold onto a role or relationship that has served its purpose in your life, you will be holding yourself hostage to the past. Letting go is an act of courage. There is always some degree of pain in the release of someone or something that once brought you joy and happiness. You will have to be patient and mourn the loss. But when your mourning is over, you will arise as a new person. You will open to opportunities you never could have dreamed of. As you explore these new opportunities, you will step back into your life with confidence and faith. Your life will be renewed and you will be reborn as the phoenix is from the ashes of the past.
The fire of change is never easy to weather. But if you surrender, the conflagration is quickly over. In the enriched soil, the seeds of tomorrow can be sown.
I have told you that unless you die and be reborn you cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. No one comes here to Earth without suffering the pain of loss. Every identity you assume will be taken from you when it is time. Every person you love will die. It is just a matter of time. And it is just a matter of time before you leave your body and the world behind.
All sacred teaching exhort you not to be attached to the things of this world, because they are not permanent. Yet, you get attached nonetheless. That is part of the process of your awakening. Getting attached and letting go. Embracing and releasing. Personally, I don\t think it is necessary to avoid attachments. But it is essential to realize when they become dysfunctional. When certain ties bind, you have no choice but to give them up. Learning to let go is one of the great lessons of this embodiment.
With letting go comes a new freedom for you. That is what it means to be born again.
You will experience many small deaths I the course of your life many times when you must let go of the arms that once comforted you and walk alone into the uncertain future. Every time you do so your fears will rise up and you will have to walk through them. Often, you will believe that if you let go you will die, but you will find out otherwise. When you let go of what no longer works, you are guided to what does.
Don’t be impatient. No one is reborn instantaneously. It takes time. It is a process. Just know that the more you surrender, the easier it will be for you.
The tide goes out and comes back in. People let go of one attachment only to form another one, which challenges them more. Life is rhythmic, but progressive. As earth and water breathe together, the shape of the beach changes. Storms come and go.
In the end, a profound peace comes and pervades the heart and mind. Finally, the ground of being is reached. Here the changing waters come and go, and the earth delights I them as a lover delight in the playful touch of his beloved.
A deep acceptance is felt and, with it, a quiet recognition that all things are perfect as they are. This is grace, the presence of God come to dwell in your heart and in your life.”